Predictions for July, 7, 2007
Padres 5-2
Cubs 4-1
Brewers 5-4
Mets 6-2
Reds 3-1
Cardinals 4-2
Rockies 7-4
Dodgers 7-3
Yankees 4-0
Whitesox 6-3
Mariners 3-2
Royals 2-1
Redsox 5-4
Rangers 7-6

Lamon Brewster 7th round KO

Observe This Now

Yesterday; hitting in place of Barry Bonds; was breakout sensation Fred: Lewis, Lewis hit his 2nd grand slam (a home run with 3 people on different bases usually the 1st 2nd: and 3rd base since you can not techinallcy occupy home base nor is the pitcher mound an actual base as is common in folk lore).... Hes the first rookie in Franchise history to do this amazing feat which has people asking the question Who is the greatest baseball player of all time Jordan or Lewis.,

We think Jordan is and we will tell you why.............. some other time.

"Im Speechless [about the prospect of being considered better than Jordan]" Lewis exclaimed. While their stats are fairly similar Jordan was a great in another sport,: basketball. While many people dont know this about him [Jordan] he was actually a decent basketball player winning 6 "championships" while playing in the "National Basketball Association" with the Chicago "Bulls". Jordan was often jokingly referred to as being almost as good as the the Legend Antoine "Chilidog hold the chili" Walker. This debate cant be settled souly by baseball statistics, so we will consider the Boar Pencil formula (

(onfield equation that takes into account every possible factor including factors that are not possible)

x − x = 0. (This extremely complext off field equation that takes into account every aspect of a player's personal life religion, age, and child molestation stats. I.E.E 0= no child touching, 1=an acceptable amount 2=you are disgusting Rod (only person who has ever received a 2). After compiling all the statistics Jordan was found to have a boar pencil rating of 6.63x10^-6 while Lewis was 5.18x10^-6 (plus Lewis was found to touch a couple of kids which might which gave him a nice boost. If Lewis was not so cool with the kids; this might have been a blowout.)
Jordan Wins!!!!
(disclaimer: this is all 100 percent accurate and taken from the co-autobiography of Fred Lewis and Michael Jordan entitled The Scarlet Letter: the Michael Jordan and Fred Lewis Story featuring guest writer B.J Novak and Steve Forbes produced by The Hamburgler in accordance with Ace and Cyrus Production company.)


















Predictions for todays game:
Cubs vs Nationals Cubs win 6-2 (Antoine Walker smiles)
Giants vs Reds Reds win 7-5 (Antoine is confused)
Diamondbacks vs Cardinals Arizona wins 9-1 (Antoine didnt watch the game because he was too busy)
Mets vs Astros Mets win 3-2 (Antoine doesnt even like baseball)
Braves vs Dodgers Braves 5-2 ()
TB vs Boston Boston wins 6-1 ())
Orioles vs White Sox Sox win 4-3 (Seth Jewell finds his white sox shirt and wears it proudly again)
Angeles vs Rangers Angels win 5-4
Mariners vs A's A's win 2-1

Driving Drunk isnt that dangerous

First off, Pigpen sucks hard. I think we all can agree on that. People who drink and drive arent bad just in a hurry to get home. Second, Michael Lane has the Herp and hasnt watched a basketball game since 1994 when he farted on his mothers head and called it a deal. Jimmy is laying in a bed and hates black people. We dont like him for being racist but he is and will never change. We will reveal his phone number in later posts.

On the sports side, Barry Bonds hit 751 tonight and hit his 12th male asshole night. Quite impressive if you ask me. Next closest man is Hank Aaron who has hit 11 male assholes and never gotten any STDs but is still in the Hall of Fame. (-108)

In other news, Arod trotted around in practice but farted and had to take a time out. Apparently his farts smell like 98 year old vagina that has been dipped in 3 day old taco bell chili. (+112)

In the NBA, KG refuses to be traded to any time accept the Portland Trailblazers. He just likes them because he likes trails and he likes blazes.